Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
On the subject of sex, my parents told me `the man goes on top, and the woman underneath.` No wonder I got divorced. For 3 years my ex-wife and I slept in bunk beds.
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
I`ll be a morning person when it`s Christmas.
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.