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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really screws them up.
Confession #156: I always prepare myself before stepping on the escalator
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.