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Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Dear piece of paper that wont go in the dust pan ... f*ck you!
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.