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Honk if you are reading this.
"This is bullsh!t" - bull farmer giving barn tours
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
I`ve just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I`m still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
awesome collection!
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.