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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
The black sheep always have the best stories.
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.