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Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
I`ve never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
Underachieving Sunday through Wednesday, overachieving Thursday through Saturday.
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.