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"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
Don`t get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice.
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
“I need to stop,” I whispered as I clicked next episode.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!