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A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
Teens today have it so easy. We didn`t have self-checkout lanes when we bought condoms.
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
If I had a time machine, I would just keep going back to bed.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`