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If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
When people say they did something "like a boss" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
God is creative... I mean look at me??
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.