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I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
I drink coffee for your protection.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?