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Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It`s delicious.
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
Iād drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.