Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m always surprised how quickly "you`re so funny" turns into "everything is a fcuking joke to you." (usually about 3 months)
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
Got tasered at speed dating again.
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea