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Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
Went down the gym and burnt 1200 calories today. I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven!
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.