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Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
My phone dies faster than a black man in a horror film.
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
What idiot called it the "Happy Birthday" song instead of New Age music
If Facebook has taught us anything, it`s that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.