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Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook