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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn`t think so.
Nothing says "I`ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.
Why don`t they make Neapolitan ice cream but with 3 better flavors?
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.