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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
I told my wife that I have a sexual satisfaction guarantee policy. If you`re not completely satisfied, we`ll just do it all over again. Guaranteed.
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today