Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
I`ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
life is too short to match socks
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don`t want people to recognize me when I`m pooping.
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.