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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
Attention fuels immaturity
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet, not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."