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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
The more I drink, the more I realize how much more I still want to drink.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point