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"Oh Sh!t, Was That Today?" my autobiography
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)