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Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
Seems like we would be just fine with about half as many types of pasta
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds