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Haters are my motivators(:
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
I drink to make other people interesting
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
-buys lottery ticket -fantasizes about winning the lottery -smiles -loses lottery -resumes general hatred for life
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now Googling how to extract a fork from bone without causing more damage.
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?