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Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn`t accurately describe my life I don`t know what does
Just ONCE I`d like someone to call me "sir" without adding "this is a place of business, please put your pants back on."
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.