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Thank goodness I`m loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can`t blame it on the alcohol.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
Sometimes, I don`t know how I`m going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.