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Not sure what`s longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
It’s a status….not your diary…
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle