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Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats