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Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
BREAKING NEWS: New $100 bills start circulating yesterday. I wish this affected my life in any way.
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" - 17th century sext
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
It`s always the darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s the best time to do it.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.