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Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.