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Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
The only people who care about my college degree are the college loan people.
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
That awkward moment when you open a fortune cookie and all you get is some vague, cryptic statement that`s not even a fortune.
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional