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Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
make little things count. teach midgets math.
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I`m not used to consuming wine in pill form.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."