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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..