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I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was ugly, I`d be broke as hell because I`m a sexy beast!!
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.