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i am not so think, as you drunk i am
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
*Sees my name in a math textbook* class: *stares at me* me: "yeah b!tches I bought 60 watermelons"
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.