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Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
Bless me Father for I hit send.
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
My boss acts like during March Madness is the only time we`re less productive. Its cute
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.