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Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
Being alive is so expensive.
That moment when being uncool, is cool
Every so often you come across a person who always smiles no matter what, that person is the reason why random bitch slaps should be a thing