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How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and a big-a$$ed pitcher of margaritas as “Plan B”
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.