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Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.