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Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
This status has been censored by Facebook
If you aren`t sure if you like someone, here`s a test: imagine they`re dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is `What is never the answer?`
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.