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Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.