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Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
is available for rebound sex.
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were texting all night with a calculator.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."