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"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
Make a random stranger`s day by walking up to them and saying "This isn`t real. You have to wake up"
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing Domino`s."
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
I come from a long line of successful people. I have successfully stopped that tradition.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener