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My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
I am going to open "The Karma Cafe" There will be no menus though. You will get what you deserve!
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that`s how the fight started.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.