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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."
I’m glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.