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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
condoms prevent minivans
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
How many facebook friends do you have that if they posted "I`m depressed and on the edge", your first thought would be to poke them?
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.