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My hair only looks good on days when no one important sees it.
I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.