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President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?