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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
That`s not how I met your mother.
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.