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If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
People who describe things as "better than sex" are obviously having the wrong kind of sex.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.