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If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
It’s a status….not your diary…