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I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
When a bird bangs into your window, do you wonder if God is playing angry birds
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.