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The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
I’m just like everyone else: I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?