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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
You`ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can`t reach it.
The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?