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Unlike milk, it is perfectly ok to cry over spilled whiskey.
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.