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Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.