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Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
Soup of the day: Tequila.
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…