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Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you`re the valet. 3. Say yes.
It should cost $10 to leave someone a voicemail.
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn`t already know that.
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.