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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
People will do odd things to get even.
Better pound all these beers so I can get the bottles in the bin for recycling day.
Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!!!!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
I’m bored enough to clean.
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
I got BOMBED last night and decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I`m getting 4 million dollars back this year!
I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f*cking hit it.
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden