Daily Silly Status

I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.

I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)

I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.

You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.

We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away

I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!

Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.

Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.

The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...

We look like we are being productive, but really, we are just talking sh!t about co-workers and how drunk we got last weekend.

Like a stoned man once said, I can`t remember.

If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.

Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.

Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.