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You never really know how many inches you`re gonna get or how long it`ll last. Snow, maybe.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
I think eating is my kind of sport.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.