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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?