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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
I wish karma would send me email notifications.