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How easily you’re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
Will someone please tell ugly girls with small boobs that their opioion doesnt really matter.