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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.