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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
Friends are like snowflakes.... if you pee on them they disappear.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there`s a millionaire walking around that invented the pool noodle.
This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she`s never broken a lawnmower before.
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.