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How easily you’re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
Does the Food Network deliver?
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.