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School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
Most problems can be solved with nudity
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.