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School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
I have a black belt in leather
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....