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It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
For those of you wondering what it`s like to be married, I`m on day 3 of an argument I didn`t know I was having.
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”