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is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
Some things are better left unsaid...That`s usually the stuff I blurt out right away.
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
My new voicemail: “If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me.”
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?