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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right