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Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
My Status updates are so great people hit the like button twice
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.
Sorry I shouted "MORTAL KOMBAT!" when you started arguing with your husband at the grocery store
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.