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I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
So much to do and so few alibis.
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.
Our parents did the same sh!t too, they`re just liars.