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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.