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Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon