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I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
When in doubt, procrastinate.
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
I was enjoying our conversation. Until you started talking....
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.