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At hotels, you can either take a helicopter tour of the city or drink the bottle of water on the table. They cost the same.
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
My spouse thinks I`m crazy. But I`m not the one who married me.
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! - no one ever
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.