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Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.