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Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house ... I got the outside.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you`ll always be paying way too much out of pocket.
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?