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If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
How are poor people so good at finding money for tattoos?
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
I always walk through my office with a stern look on my face and a toilet plunger to avoid conversations.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
The less you know, the more you think you do.
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.