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The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
I’m sick of closing out every job interview with “I was young. I needed the money.”
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
I have reliable inside information about Apple`s next product. I will not be able to afford it.
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
Gardening is awesome because it is one of the only ways a normal person can be persuaded into buying actual bags of poop.