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This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
My friend sent his wedding invitation from Facebook Event. I sent him a gift from Farmville.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.
Why do people at home on TV have their pants on?
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.