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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
BREAKING NEWS: New $100 bills start circulating yesterday. I wish this affected my life in any way.
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.