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when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
I can`t believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth.
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping
How long does it take to get obsessed?