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I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"