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We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
My kid’s teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I’m like I do. I’m player 2.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
Don’t you hate it when spiders bite you and you get like zero superpowers?
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.