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Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
when my swear jar gets full I`m going to use the money to buy a f*cking puppy
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
How are poor people so good at finding money for tattoos?
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.