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Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
My spouse thinks I`m crazy. But I`m not the one who married me.
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
Never squat with your spurs on
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.