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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.