Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
The only people who care about my college degree are the college loan people.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.