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May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?" Me: "Gravity, Mom."
Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
This beer is making me awesome !! ;)
You`ll notice you never see sweatpants with "Classy" written across the butt.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.