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I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
I hide my vodka in orange juice
Is there another word for synonym?
I`m really easy to get along with, once people learn to worship me.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
Sometimes it`s fun to make fun of yourself. Almost as fun as it is to make fun of others.
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision.
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!